Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
