If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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