I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
