Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
