kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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