Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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