remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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