i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
