hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
