Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
