oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
