Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
