Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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