i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
