xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
