She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
