Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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