Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
