I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
