he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
