I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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