I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
