Someone shit on the floor
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
