My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am mentally ready for anal.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
