so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
