I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
