Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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