Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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