She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize