1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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