I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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