My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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