I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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