Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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