YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
