Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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