WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
