I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
