I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
