I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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