i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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