Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
