So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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