Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im six kinds of drunk right now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
