I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
