if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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