some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
