i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize