How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
