i love accidental penises.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
