1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
