just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
