I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize