Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
