i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
