you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
