There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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