I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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