The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
