a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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