I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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