everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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