I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My Higher Power is John Stamos
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
