well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
