I want to make a zoo with you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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