Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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