i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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