u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
