What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
