I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
