I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
